A WAR WITHIN

“Life and people always remained an enigma for me, life was like a jigsaw with one piece of the puzzle never to be found; people whereas has this weird ability to judge a person on the current status of their life, they never explored beyond the calm surface.” These thoughts were running through Rajiyah’s mind as she sat on the cool sand looking out at the vast ocean in front of her, unaware of the man who watched her from his vantage point.

From where he stood, Alyan could see Rajiyah clearly and could feel the distress even from the distance. He had done the opposite of what Rajiyah was thinking, he has explored below the surface. He had intruded on some utmost private territory just for the girl whom he had stepped into love with. He thought of it as stepping into love because this was the best thing he had ever done, the sanest decision he had ever taken while the phrase falling in love always sounded like someone was falling off a cliff and plunging to his death. What he had learnt in these few days made him respect her even more, it magnified his feelings for her by a thousand fold. Alyan could not help but want to hide her from the harshness of the world after he had learned of the abusive circumstances this beautiful girl had faced. He could now understand the reason she pulled away from being loved and stopped herself from trusting someone on that infinite level. As he watched her his mind was already on another plane, thinking how he could find the real culprit because of whom Rajiyah had been publicly insulted today.

From her place on the sand, Rajiyah looked out at the open sea, at the stars twinkling in the night sky and at the waves breaking on the seashore, her mind likened her to the waves which break every time they touch the seashore; at this thought she let her tears flow freely which she had kept pent up inside her for ages, she cried at her lost childhood, at the cruelty of her mother, at never having a father and at how unforgiving life was being to her now as well. She cried at all that she lost today in a moment. A moment when she had become a target someone’s hatred again. With her eyes closed and tears flowing, she recalled the past, the harshness, and the intense bitterness she had lived through and survived. She thought of the woman whom she had been forced to call “mother” for so long – one who did not even deserve the title, the right of being called a mother. The past flashed in her mind and played itself like some black and white film being played out. The earliest memory she had was strangely of a time when she doubted babies would remember anything; she remembered crawling up to her mother and wanting to be picked up but her mother had brushed her aside. As she grew up the intensity of her mother’s rage also increased, she remembered her mother refusing to have her sent to school as it wouldn’t do to spend money on schooling a waste of space. Her grandmother ultimately paid for her schooling and the little girl came to welcome the time she spent in school, it was refuge for her. She worked as hard as possible and took up as many activities as she could so she would not have to go home early. She recalled how her mother had mourned her father on Rajiyah’s birthday rather than lighting a candle on her cake all because the man had left his wife and new born child because she had been born a girl. This was the reason of her mother’s hatred for her own child. Once when she had just turned sixteen, her mother pushed her down the stairs causing her to break her leg. That had been the last straw and finally Rajiyah’s grandmother intervened and took her home. Finally the girl had some sunshine in her life, it was like the clouds parted and the sun came out bringing much awaited joy but the effects of the sixteen years in the hell hole had left a deep and lasting impression on Rajiyah, for she could barely trust anyone. The silent, withdrawn girl with excellent grades and determination in her eyes soon got a scholarship to one of the elite colleges in the country. Living on campus proved to be even tougher than living at home had been, she felt like an alien who did not know anything about humans, how could she know anything about human interaction? When all she knew about humans was that they were abusive and violent. On campus however, she made friends with one of the richest girls who was considered a snob by everyone but someone Saba and Rajiyah stuck up an uncanny yet profound friendship that strengthened over years as the two lonely girls helped each other in times of turmoil.
“Life isn’t just painful and difficult for people like me who have no money but sometimes life tests those also whom it blesses in bountiful”, thought Rajiyah whenever she would look at Saba. Saba also lived with a single parent, in her case, with her father as her mother had left them for another man. Saba’s father might have been rich and powerful but he had no time for his daughter. Sometimes, Rajiyah used to wonder what was worse, knowing that your parent hated you not knowing what your parent felt about you as in Saba’s case. From campus to renting an apartment together, these two girls stuck through thick and thin.

As Rajiyah sat there, her phone rang without even looking she answered, “Saba”. “Rajjo, what is wrong with you? Why are you alone right now I have been trying to reach you for three hours now! Do you know how worried I was? How are you? Where are you? Tell me immediately, I’ll come in a jiffy,” ranted Saba, anxious with worry for the best friend who had given her life direction. “I’ll be fine Saba, just give me some time, I’ll be back home,” said Rajiyah.

Around midnight, Rajiyah went home, Saba had fallen asleep waiting for her on the sofa, not known to her was the fact the that Alyan was just reaching home as well because he had looked out for her all the while she sat there and had followed her home wanting to know that she reached her destination safely. Once home, Rajiyah took a shower, made a cup of tea and open her journal in which she wrote to her hearts’ content. Today Rajiyah wrote;

She …

Who will give her back what the world took from her?

A question she oft asks the ones whom she meets,

All she wanted was to be human,

To be treated with care,

To be heard

But alas! This world hears not and cares not for the one who dares,

They clipped her wings, she re grew them,

They clipped them again and again,

Battered today, she lay there on the ground,

Struggling to get,

Finally they succeeded in breaking her,

She was now ready to give up,

But then

She got up again,

Ready to fight once more, for now she knew

Acceptance wasn’t what they would give her ever,

But she would not give up ever.

She turned the lights off after completing her entry, for now she knew very well what she wanted and how she wanted it. The next morning before Saba woke, Rajiyah packed her things, left a note stating,

“Dear Saba,

These years with you have been some of the best for me. I had never known a true friend before I met you, for that I’d like to thank you. I know you have heard what happened today and I also know that you do not believe any of it; for that I am eternally thankful to you – for the blind trust you have on me.

I’ll share something with you here that I hadn’t before now. I know who did this and why. Remember I introduced you to Raheel the new manager? It’s his doing because apart from me he was the only one who had access to those designs. Now you see a few days after Raheel joined I started getting messages from him which I reported as harassment, Raheel was given a warning due to that and from that day on I have noticed a frightening change in him. He has been keeping an eye on everything that I do, he managing to listen to my conversations. I talked to Alyan about it because after you he is the only person I trust. Anyway, I remember explicitly locking the safe after finalizing the designs – now the fact here is that I am the only one with the combination to the safe especially since the designs were for the government, hence all the extra security. I don’t know how but the designs have been made available to our competitors. Somehow all the emails regarding this deal have been traced back to my email address. I know that Raheel has done this but how that is something I do not know yet but I intend to find out.

However, I am leaving now – I need the time away, the time to figure out how it was done. I know many will think that I am a coward, at the moment I don’t care about it. I need to get away and come back strong.

Dearest friend, I will be back – stay strong for me and I’ll also be in touch how and when will need to dealt with at a later stage. Keep your ears and eyes open. Tell no one of this letter. Not even Alyan though I know he is as sincere to me as you are. Just simply say I had already left when you woke up.

Love,

Rajiyah”

Rajiyah quietly put the letter on the dining table, next to it she put the teddy bear that she and Saba had won at local fair knowing that Saba would understand the significance of it.

As Rajiyah sat waiting for her flight, she understood that sometimes backing away from things and leaving them as they were was also important. For the first time, Rajiyah felt at peace. She knew where she would go and what she would do. On the flight, she kept to herself, once she had landed in Thasos, a green and gentle little island which is part of the Greek isles, she booked into a hotel. The hotel, thankfully provided her with a secluded hut where she settled easily. It was on one of the cliffs overlooking the beautiful ocean that Alyan found her six months after she had disappeared. She looked as beautiful as she had the night she had left. He realized how intensely he loved her!

“Rajiyah,” he called out. She turned surprised to hear such a familiar voice. “Alyan, what are you doing here?”

“Looking for you obviously.”

“How did you know I would be here in Thasos?” she inquired. “I am sorry it took me such a long time to come to you Rajiyah, you should not have run away like you did and as to how I found you, it was easy, I recalled this one conversation where you mentioned that you always wanted to visit Thasos and if you had to escape you’d come here.” replied Alyan.

She smiled at that. He always remembered too much and somehow knew too much about her. She always wondered why. “Alyan what are you doing here?”

“I come bearing good news my dear,” he replied, “but that will have to wait till tonight after you agree to join me for dinner.”

By this time, they had started their descent from the cliffs. She was looking like sea nymph, bare foot, hair flowing in the sea breeze. She looked as if she belonged here among the natives.

That night, they had dinner at a local estiatorio where they were served the most delicious oven baked fish and the best salad ever. Here among the din of local sounds, dancing and singing did Alyan tell her what had actually happened after she had left.

It turned out that after Rajiyah left, an anonymous letter arrived at the company headquarters claiming that Rajiyah was innocent and that a certain man had done the deed hence, all the men in Rajiyah’s unit were quietly investigated, the investigation team was under the direct command of Alyan since he was the Assistant Managing Director. Through a thorough but a very quiet investigation a lot of surprising facts were revealed. It was discovered that not only had Raheel sold the top secret gun blueprints to the enemy but there were a lot of women whom he had lured into having affairs with him and then abused them badly, when they threatened to expose him, he had blackmailed them by telling them that he had recorded “evidence” of them together which he would send to their families if they didn’t stay quiet.

All in all, Alyan told Rajiyah that Raheel had been caught and charged with treason as well as multiple cases of fraud and blackmail were registered against him. Having said all this, he reached into his pocket and took out a white envelope which he handed over to Rajiyah.

Rajiyah opened the envelope and read the contents;

“Dear Ms Rajiyah,

Khalil and Sons Arms and Ammunitions Co. deeply regrets the pain and inconvenience caused to you by the false charges made against you. As a Khalil and Sons owns every person whom it employees, we take it very personally the agony that you had to face.

To make amends for that we would humbly request you to join us again as an Honorary Board Member and the Director of the Arms and Ammunitions Design Department. We would like to make further amends by providing you with accommodation in the Beach Housing Authority area to suit your position.

We hope that you will join us again as we cherish the loyalty and dedication that you have shown us.

The letter was signed by Mr Khalil Khan himself.  Rajiyah read the letter and placed it in the envelope again. She was plagued by what to do now. A million thoughts ran in her mind and she looked at Alyan with tears in her eyes. “Alyan all my life, I have fought a war within, a war not to lose from the world, a world which has been unfair to me always. It was just my grandmother and then Saba who accepted me as I am. This incidence has left me shattered. I came here to find peace and I did, I came to accept my past and to understand that if I can’t go back and change the way I was treated then I can simply let it go. But honestly, I am tired, very tired of all the struggle and trails of life. I respect Mr Khalil immensely, in the years that I worked for him, he became the father I never had but should I go back?” she said.

Alyan reached over and took her hand in his, “Let’s go for a walk Rajiyah, there are some things you need to know” saying this, he paid the bill and with her hand still in his they got up. As they walked towards a secluded cove, Alyan started talking, “Rajiyah I am sorry I pried but I have no shame in saying I did, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you and to me you became the most precious creature but you were so elusive, so into your own self like an injured doe is. Skittish when someone comes close to her, you were the same manner. I had to find out what made you this way, I had to know so I could protect you and that is why I overturned every stone there was in your life and found out about your mother, your life and your pain. I have felt your pain and agony my love that is when I vowed to protect to you at all cost. Forgive me for doing so but I love you, I always will. And I don’t think you should give up on the company, it is indeed true that Khalil Da loves you like the daughter he never had and I am not just saying that because he is my grandfather but because I have seen how hurt he was when the allegations came across on you.”

“I don’t know Alyan, you have given me too to think about tonight.” Rajiyah said. “I son’t know whether I should be angry at you or not for prying into my life. How I should react. I think it is better we go back.”

They walked in silence towards the apartment Rajiyah had rented by now. He left her at the door, before leaving he just looked at her and wistfully touched her cheek. “You’re the most beautiful person I have known, the purest person and I love you, I always will no matter what happens tomorrow. I’d like to take you for breakfast tomorrow before I leave.”

Love has found me finally, the love I thought I could never have, how can I refuse him he is the moon to my dark nights. He lights up my darkest moments and becomes a cloud for me when the sun shines to strong upon me. I never knew the girl who was hated by her own mother and abandoned by her father could get all this. I am indeed lucky for I have Saba whose friendship has kept me going all these years, I had grandma who always loved me. I have Mr. Khalil who treats me like a daughter and now I have Alyan. I have won the war within – a war I thought I’d never win. I have a family now, a beautiful family. Tomorrow, I am going to tell Alyan that I love him.

The moment she finished writing this, someone burst into her apartment and all she heard was a loud sound after which she left a pain and as she put her hand on her abdomen, she felt a hot liquid soaking through her shirt, she looked at her hand, it was covered with blood. Then she looked at her the man who had just shot her, “Raheel” she whispered and with tears flowing from her eyes, she collapsed on the floor.

This was how Alyan found her the next morning, next to her was the journal in which the last words that she had written were “tomorrow I am going to tell Alyan that I love him.” He cried out in anguish, why did it have to her, why did have to be him. Why had fate done this to him?

A week later after the investigation in Thasos had finished and he had been allowed to take her body back to Pakistan, he knelt next to her grave and vowed to the love of his life now lying the grave that he would avenge her. In the week that had followed Rajiyah’s death, he had read through her journal, page by page, entry by entry, it was all that kept him sane. He got up from his position next to her grave and walked out of the graveyard to the waiting car where a mourning Saba waited for him.

“Alyan, I will never forget what she went through, I will never forgive the person who did this, promise me you’ll let me help you in whatever you do to avenge her.” Said a weeping Saba to Alyan. “Don’t worry Saba, I’ll need you more than ever now, we need to do this for all of us – for Khalil Da, you and me and most of all for Rajiyah.”

That night Alyan picked up the blood stained journal once more and read what he considered was her most beautiful entry.

Life can never be truly understood, there is so much of grey amidst the black and white. Life comes and goes and with it people come and go but one thing remains the same. The way we see those gone by, in the memory of some, we stay engrossed for life times to come and it seems they haven’t left us, their presence can be felt in the air around us, their scent often fills the senses bringing them to life. I want to stay that way in someone’s heart cherished for a lifetime to come, safe and treasured. That is the essence of life for me, to be there with the one’s I love when I am not there.

The moonlight filtered through the open curtains on to Alyan where he sat reading her journal, tears filled his eyes as he said, “Darling, you got your wish, you’re safe in my heart, my life is just for you now as much as it was before.”

With that he closed his eyes and slept for he knew it was going to be the last peaceful sleep he would have now till he found who had murdered Rajiyah so brutally.

Somewhere in the sky a star twinkled, maybe it was she, looking down at the three people who loved her the most in the world. She knew now that though she had lost in the world, yet she had won the war within. She would stay in their hearts safe forever. She knew what they planned to do and she knew she would be with them every step on the way.

It was her touch on his cheek that Alyan felt has he slept peacefully unknowingly she was there with him even now.