A REWARDING MOMENT..

Everyone was surprised and mostly thought that I was stupid in leaving my career as an engineer which quite frankly was flourishing and instead opting to become a teacher. But I knew what I wanted and why I wanted it, I wasn’t satisfied fixing machines, going over silly user manuals etc I wanted to mold something more than just a wire. I wanted to change the course of someone’s life. I know that sounds extremely manipulative but I mean it in a perfectly positive sense. I wanted to make a difference for my community, my society, my country. The best way to do that was to take up education as a profession. I’ have already marked my course and I am all set for the journey in fact my ship has already left the port. The journey so far has been neither too smooth nor too rough. Recently, I have been a little lost for my cause thinking that there are no rewarding moments but was I wrong indeed. I was blessed with the most rewarding of moments ever. I had taught English last year to grade five sadly, I am not able to teach it again this year even though I have personally started feeling I am a better English teacher than a mathematics one. Anyway, one of my colleagues came up to me with a book in hand. It belonged to one of my former students’ , she had written a composition on the person she admired most. ME!! Sigh ! Rewarding moment indeed. What she had written simply made my day beautiful, the way she expressed her feelings for me not just as a teacher but as a person too. The essence of her writing is something similar to what follows;

“… she is not just a wonderful teacher but also a very nice human being. She puts others first and goes out of her way to make us become better people. May Allah bless her.”

This work from a very young girl made it clear that I had made the right decision, this was what I wanted to do, make better humans. Steer the lives of at least one child into a positive direction. What I am thankful for is that this rewarding moment came at a time when I desperately needed it. When I was feeling like maybe I had made the wrong decision for myself.

Out of all what I have written, I can just conclude that no profession is better or worse than another. Whatever we choose to become, we should do so with a conscious mind and heart and this is what we should teach our children as well. Loving what you do is more important than just doing something. If I would have been pursuing engineer even now, I would have just been a mediocre engineer and I wouldn’t probably have had this wonderful moment then.

WHEN DREAMS FALL APART

After a very long time I am writing again. I don’t know why I stopped writing but I know that at one time words became a burden for me to speak out I just wanted to keep them bottled up inside me. I guess that happens when dreams fall apart initially you seem to be lost and you create mental scenes where your dreams would once more fall back into plan and reach their fulfillment but then comes a stage a resigned acceptance that such a thing won’t be happening. After long that comes a time where you pick up the pieces of yourself and dust your courage and decide to walk with your head held high. For me, I just bottled everything up and decided to skip stage one altogether. I decided that for me being strong was the only solution. I know those of my friends and family who were with me in all this turmoil were worried why I wasn’t falling apart but I just am not that person. I can be cruelest to my own self but to no one else. For me, I know I have at times driven myself beyond my own capacity but all that did me a world of good. As I kept on achieving the targets I had set for myself, I found inner peace, I found my solace. Finally I have picked up the last shatters of me and written something. Writing has always been my best friend and for a very long time I have denied myself this friendship but no more. These words, they are driving me mad with their desire to come out  and form sentences. As I have poured them out today, I have found peace and finally I am no longer concerned about the dreams that fell apart for I have dreams that have actualized and materialized into reality.

The words of silence

I utter but no word

For my words are silent

I utter no desire

I am me and myself just

I might be lost now

Without a conversation with you

Yet my silence speaks the loudest of all

For my desire of you

Was not mortal lust

I have lost my soul to you

Yet I say no word

As you go your way and

I mine….

My silence is my thought

And My thoughts; my words

Today and tomorrow

And for every hour to come

There will come a time you will hear

Our plight in my silence

For indeed my words; are words of silence 

“When the sparrow sings its final refrain, the hush is felt nowhere more deeply than in the heart of man.”

“What you seek is seeking you.” ― Rumi

Rumi more like his association with Tabriz has left a deep imprint on my mind and soul. As I seek something that I myself am not very sure about I find that things come seeking  me and then I realize that this was probably what I actually wanted, There are times when we in our haste of want and desire ourselves don’t know what we seek.

If we just let go of this obsession with seeking our desires we will become the seeked instead of the seeker.  Learning to let go is also an essential part of life that people often do not learn. Those who learn letting go obtain from life what they were seeking.

Hope, letting go and having faith - are of true essence for those who want to succeed. Success comes to those who believe in it and who have faith in their surroundings and who let go of the past and move toward the future.
Be it relationships, business, fame or fortune the formula that one seeks lies in the core of Hope, letting go and having faith. Once you learn these three what you seek will seek you and run after you rather then you doing the running.

Misconceptions about Pakistani Women

People around the world seem to think that women in Pakistan are subjugated and treated like cattle. That is so not the case…If I am to very honestly think about my Western counterparts; I find myself to be more liberated and I enjoy more authority than them. I have always had the opportunity to educate myself in any possible way, I have been allowed to make decisions concerning myself and even at times my family. In Pakistan, we women are the main rulers of the household; the fate of children rests in the hands of their mothers as how to educate them the best, what to give them to eat, to wear, etc, Apart from being the authority at home, we the younger generation of women in Pakistan is free to express of opinions and to work however possible. We work in offices and face much less harassment than our western counterparts because the culture of Pakistan inherently preaches respect for the female. We might cover our heads but that does not make us slaves, it is actually our freedom to wear what we like and when we like. Our government does not object to the women of the minority sects for anything they wear to work or anywhere unlike a European Nation that came under fire for passing a law stating that head gear was banned. I ask is that freedom? Or is what we enjoy freedom? Apart from that debate, after coming home tired from work or even a hard day at home, we enjoy an immense amount of respect from our fathers, brothers, husbands and sons. There not letting us go out late at night to do petty work like buying bread for the next day is actually their way of protecting us from being harmed.

I am an example of this empowerment, right from childhood I have not only been given the best education but I am also asked to make decisions for my family, my family seeks advice from me not only that I have worked right from the age of 15 and my parents have supported me and rather loved me more for putting in so much effort and hard work in my own life.

The Way I Want to Be Remembered............

Its weird..... I know wanting to be remembered in a particular way after dying... Its morbid... It even gives me goosebumps.... But 
I don't know... Like i am unsure about so many things recently the only thing I really am sure about is How i want to be remembered after I die............ I want to be remembered as this beautiful not physically beautiful but this spiritually beautiful person.......... A person who made a difference in people's lives.... A person who gave others joy and a reason to smile............. A person who was there for everyone.............. 
I want to make a difference for those whom I love... But recently I am just NOT myself.... and every time I close my eyes to take stock of what I am becoming... I remember this person who was very close to me when I was a kid and I remember her face at her deathbed and her hand was in my hand....... And I see her eyes.... and I remember that tear that came out of her eyes and  I remember telling her I'd do my best in life.......... But I am not... Not doing my best,,,,
I want to be like her... She was pure... she was unpretentious.... She was in so much pain when she died but she was still a pillar of strength.......... We all gained so much from her............ 

Whenever I think of dying... I want to be remembered as a person who gives not takes....... I don't want to be a monster.... I want to be people's angel.............. I want to die peacefully knowing I have made people's lives better

Its What I Want

Sometimes we get over whelmed by what life is throwing in our path...As strongly as you can, you try to face lives issues but you'd want some one to be there for you and what happens when that some one is pulling back or you feel a lack of communication? How would you react?
If it was me, I'd retract into myself... That's just how I am made up... I start closing up.. Maybe its psychological or whatever it is but the 1st time I try to convey my feelings to someone and I am pushed back the next time I'd probably not even touch that topic again. I don't if its good or bad... 
I am human, I know I make mistakes and that is the reason I can't be perfect all the time. I also need to complain, everyone does... Its perfectly normal for everyone else then why not me??
At this very moment, I am engulfed by this feeling of being so lonely and this feeling is becoming my companion to often now a days... 
I don't want to be a millionaire, I don't want to own the world.. I just want some peace because it seems like ages since I had peace...